How did a modern update of Samantha’s strong, intelligent character transform her into such a soppy milquetoast of a little girl? Nicole Kidman has talent, sure, but she’s channeling Jennifer Garner’s 13-year-old from 13 Going on 30, not Samantha Stevens.

Bonnie’s Rating: D

I wanted to love this movie. I really did.

Unfortunately, the moment Isabel’s foot lands on the sidewalk (Hello! That was Mary Poppins, not Bewitched) the movie makes a slow but steady descent into something most unBewitchedlike.

How did a modern update of Samantha’s strong, intelligent character transform her into such a soppy milquetoast of a little girl? Nicole Kidman has talent, sure, but she’s channeling Jennifer Garner’s 13-year-old from 13 Going on 30, not Samantha Stevens.

Elizabeth Montgomery played Samantha as confident and capable, but Nora Ephron’s Isabel is nothing but a juvenile version of Aunt Clara. Or maybe she got Samantha confused with Jeannie: pretty to look at but not much upstairs.

Totally clueless in every aspect of real life, Isabel is especially a pushover in the business world. Where Samantha could whip up a winning ad slogan off the top of her head, Isabel needs help even with basic one-liners (most glaring in the scene with the dog).

As blundering and dimwitted as Will Farrell’s character is, he’s still able to twist Isabel around his pinky ring without any forethought whatsoever. The original Samantha may have given up her witchcraft to make a family with Darren (an nice metaphor for the sacrifices of stay-at-home parenthood) but she was never his doormat, not even by today’s standards.

Even in the old black-and-white episodes Samantha maintained her dignity and her sense of self as her marriage grew better each year. And as a witch, she was more real than the human TV moms out there. We never saw Mrs. Cleaver give up the pearls to clean house in a head scarf and an old shirt, for instance.

In comparison to Samantha, Isabel is about as real as a Barbie doll in a Dreamhouse, wardrobe and accessories included.

What I Liked: What Little Was There to Like?

• Shirley MacLaine and Michael Caine, who deserved a lot more screen time than they got. Ephron gave Caine all the best lines, shredding MacLaine’s role into nothing but a arm-waving caricature of Endora. A colossal waste of talent when this movie needed all the help it could get.
• Scenes from the original black-and-white Bewitched. The colorized versions would’ve been the last straw.

What I Didn’t Get:

• Will Farrell’s character. Just when you’re about to believe his jerkdom is nothing but agent spin, he turns into a real nutjob. Fortunately we don’t care because even his “nice” side is unlikeable.
• Aunt Clara, Uncle Alfred and Iris. None of their characters are adequately explained. And what happened to Isabel’s mother? Too many unanswered distractions—why bring them in at all unless we understand why?
• Nina. Just when you thought Ephron was going to break her out as the new show’s hottest new scriptwriter—or perhaps turn her into Isabel’s savvy new agent (heaven knows she needed one) Nina gets stuffed back into her yes girl role. Meanwhile Jack’s scuzzy agent not only keeps on trucking, he also gets the girl. Is there no justice in this script?

My Recommendation

Don’t spend the money on a theatre ticket. Don’t waste it renting it from Blockbuster or NetFlix, either. If you must see it, wait until you can borrow it from your public library.

Or better yet, wait until the original Bewitched series comes out on DVD.