Scientists discovered hypodermic needles are too short for today’s world of super-sized bottoms, and headline writers all over the world rejoiced!

The Daily Mail: “Jabs don’t work on fat-bottomed girls”

The Sun: “Docs stumped by rumps”

The Mirror: “BUM JABS FOR FATTIES”

Australia: “Obesity a bummer for GPs’ needles”

South Africa: “Doctors make no butts about needle issue”

Canada: “FATTER BUTTS NEED LONGER NEEDLES”

Boston: “Docs: Needles have fat chance against big butts”

Tennessee: “Bountiful booties, short needles lead to ineffective meds”

ABC News: “Obese Buttocks Leave Drug Therapy Behind”

Scripps Media: “Fat heinies causing problems for doctors”

My personal favorite:

Baby got back? Junk in the trunk? A J.Lo butt?

She may be bootylicious, but it’s bad for her health.

HamptonRoads.com, Virginia: “If your baby got back, she may be missing the point,” Nov. 29, 2005.