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| Is she holding what I think she’s holding? |
I believe I’ve started procrastinating on my procrastination posts. This can mean only one thing: I’m becoming an expert!
Today’s procrastination is brought to you by the Internet Archive, specifically those “moving images” of the old classroom education films we had to watch as kids.
Remember those?
MR. FINLEY: I give up! I give up! Other men have helpful families. Not me! (he stomps out of the house) Nobody gives me the least consideration. I just get so tired of letting other people push me around! (he plows his car into a police station)
Mr. Finley’s Feelings (1956)
Mr. Finley certainly needed to learn how to deal with his angry feelings in a more constructive way. But not all of the movies we had to watch were about “mental hygiene.” Sometimes they were about “health.”
(Molly removes sanitary pad from her sister’s Modess box and looks at it longingly.)
MOLLY: Jeannie, when do you think I’ll start having periods, too?
Molly Grows Up (1953)
Of course, the boys couldn’t watch health films like Molly Grows Up because… well, they were BOYS. They had their own health films to watch:
(Bill and older boy are working over a lawnmower)
BOY: Hey, you know something?
BILL: No. What?
BOY: I had a wet dream last night!
BILL: What’s that?
NARRATOR: It was something new to Bill, this business of nocturnal emissions!
As Boys Grow (1957)
Most of the movies, though, had important messages for both genders.
BILLY: (dozing off) I bet cowboys don’t wash all the time.
VOICE: But you’re wrong, Billy. It’s not ‘sissy’ to be clean.
BILLY: Who said that? Who’s there?
VOICE: I did! One of your best friends. Let me introduce myself. (a man in a box shaped like a bar of soap fades in and bows) Soapy is the name, pardner.
BILLY: Why, you’re a living cake of soap!
SOAPY: Big as life, Billy!
Soapy the Germ Fighter (1951)
I believe I found most of the education films I remembered, including The Strange Ones, about how little Karen ignored her parents’ warnings and not only accepted candy from a stranger, but got into his car!
And then there’s the infamous Duck and Cover, containing clever little tips on how to survive an atomic bomb, demonstrated by Bert the Turtle.
NARRATOR: It is such a big explosion it can smash in buildings and knock signboards over and break windows all over town! But if you duck and cover like Bert you will be much safer.
Duck and Cover (1951)
My favorites will always be the “health” films, though.
ANN: Miss Jensen, what about dancing? Can you when you’re menstruating?
MISS JENSEN: Yes, you can, with moderation. (she points to a chart on the wall listing acceptable and not-so-acceptable activities during menstruation)
It’s not a good idea to skate, ride horseback, play fast games like volleyball or basketball, or do strenuous dancing like square dancing, or anything that bounces you around a lot.
Molly Grows Up (1953)
According to Miss Jensen’s wall chart, it IS okay to “picnic”. Who knew?
Wow…the stuff I missed when growing up after I left my rock.
I remember the duck and cover but it didn’t have a turtle, that I remember. Brain=swiss cheese.
Loverly trip through the past.
Mr. Living Soap is calling me. He says the dishes need to be done. 😉
Happy day, Bonnie!
Bonnie, you’re being really irresponsible spreading that ancient falsehood. Back in the fifties people thought it was okay to picnic anytime – but that’s just because picnicing was something communists didn’t do, so menstruational picnicing was part of a defiant “American” way of life.
Studies have since shown that picnicing can actually be quite dangerous while menstruating. I mean, when you go on a picnic you generally bring a breadknife, right? A menstruating woman holding a bread knife. You do the math.
So many lives have been destroyed by this outdated politically-motivated practice of menstruational picnicing it’s time the record is set straight. Ladies, step away from the cotton napkins and woven cane basket no matter how good the weather. Think of the children.
Sheesh, next you’ll be telling me that alcoholics *don’t* require licences to operate staplers.
Shame, Bonnie. Shame.
I’ll never forget my step daughter…when she was six. I happened by the bedroom setup she had spread out on the living room floor.
Want to guess what she had found to use as a mattress for the doll bed….that’s right…big as life…and had creatively rolled one long tag for a pillow, and was using the other one as the cover!
I laughed so hard, I peed myself!
Yikes, Sponge Girl! But Miss Jensen said it was okay! It was printed on her wall chart!
Hi, kait ! I’ve got to drop Squirt off for his science fair, and then I’m off to visit your blog! Please give my regards to Mr. Soap.
Bonnie, when I was little I found a box of my Mom’s Modess, pulled one of those buggers out and unwrapped it. It disintegrated into a bunch of fine particles that filled the air and made it hard to breathe. I was coughing and waving it all away when Mom found me. I don’t recall if she peed herself, though.