SQUIRT: MOM! Push the button!
BONNIE: I did! You’re on. Do your thing!
SQUIRT: Arrrrgh! MOM! You’re ruining EVERYTHING.
(puts down the ninja sword, walks up to the camcorder, hits the PAUSE button)
BONNIE: What? There’s no such thing as editing? You don’t believe in blooper reels?
SQUIRT: (sighs heavily, runs back to his mark and gets into position) Okay. NOW.
(Bonnie pushes button)
SQUIRT: HEH, HEH, HEH! HI YAH! (lunges at neighbor kid Bob)
BOB, THE NEIGHBOR KID: ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!
SQUIRT: (freezes in an attack position, looks over at his mom) MOM! Push the button!
BONNIE: All right! Jeez. You know, you could just say “Cut!”
BOB: I screamed like a girl, just like you said. You want me to do it over?
SQUIRT: No. You were fine. (looks pointedly at his mother)
Meet Squirt, who is all set to be the next Steven Spielberg—if his annoying camera crew doesn’t finish him off with an attack of Gross Exasperation.
He’s making this movie for his Japanese class. It’s about a burrito-loving ninja who hides behind trees and under the van and talks to a picture of Chuck Norris. The ninja also unexplicably turns into a pirate at one point before returning to ninja form to make gnarly burritoes in hyper-speed. Since it’s all in Japanese I’m a little unclear on the plot.
He’s editing it now. Meanwhile, back in the Wren Cocina, our turkey is in the oven. Twenty-four pounds! That should last us, what? Twenty minutes—unless the boys improve on their technique from last year.
Hubby and Tiger are out, buying more potatoes because the ones I bought a few days ago mysteriously disappeared. I was going to substitute with sweet potatoes but the outcry was so great you would’ve thought I was selling our national holiday out to Satanists, or something.
I’ve carefully examined Squirt’s movie footage (the stuff I didn’t take) for evidence of potato cannons, but the boy is clean.
So I’m taking this waiting-for-potatoes opportunity to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!
Be thankful, eat hearty, help clean the kitchen afterward, and at all times… keep an eye out for the ninjas. The ones with camcorders are especially dangerous.