Ballpoint Wren » Meet the Family http://www.bonniewren.com I fought the lawn... and the lawn won Sun, 17 Jan 2010 20:44:05 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Teenager Thought for the Day: Would you define the term Rock Star? http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-define-rock-star.htm http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-define-rock-star.htm#comments Tue, 10 Apr 2007 07:01:13 +0000 Bonnie Wren http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-define-rock-star.htm

Dad, I KNOW the odds are REALLY REALLY low that someone can become a rock star.

But I’ve worked it all out: all you need is to be a one-hit wonder! Then you’re set for life!

]]> http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-define-rock-star.htm/feed 14 Teenager Thought for the Day: We’ll take that as a “no” http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-well-take-that-as-a-no.htm http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-well-take-that-as-a-no.htm#comments Wed, 10 Jan 2007 15:30:08 +0000 Bonnie Wren http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-well-take-that-as-a-no.htm

Tiger:

So Rachel tries to convince me to do ballroom dancing after school. I was like, “Hey, Sam! What do you do after school?” and Sam’s like, “I’m in Robotics Club.”

Robotics Club. Robotics Club is cool. Robotics Club is manly.

And what do I do after school? I swim. Swimming is cool. Swimming is most manly.

But ballroom dancing? Not manly. Not manly at all.

Squirt:

Yeah. You can’t get away with ballroom dancing unless you’re Zorro and you’ve got a Spanish accent.

]]> http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/teenager-thought-for-the-day-well-take-that-as-a-no.htm/feed 19 An actual conversation my 17-year-old son had at the store http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/an-actual-conversation-my-17-year-old-son-had-at-the-store.htm http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/an-actual-conversation-my-17-year-old-son-had-at-the-store.htm#comments Thu, 04 Jan 2007 04:31:30 +0000 Bonnie Wren http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/an-actual-conversation-my-17-year-old-son-had-at-the-store.htm

TIGER: Hey, Elizabeth! I haven’t—whoa. You look weird with your clothes on.

ELIZABETH: Yeah, I know. So do you.

TIGER: Once again swimming is making my life sound perverted.

]]> http://www.bonniewren.com/2007/an-actual-conversation-my-17-year-old-son-had-at-the-store.htm/feed 10 On Thanksgiving, budding Hollywood, and disappearing potatoes http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/on-thanksgiving-budding-hollywood-and-disappearing-potatoes.htm http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/on-thanksgiving-budding-hollywood-and-disappearing-potatoes.htm#comments Thu, 23 Nov 2006 21:05:05 +0000 Bonnie Wren http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/on-thanksgiving-budding-hollywood-and-disappearing-potatoes.htm Ninja Squirt

SQUIRT: MOM! Push the button!

BONNIE: I did! You’re on. Do your thing!

SQUIRT: Arrrrgh! MOM! You’re ruining EVERYTHING.

(puts down the ninja sword, walks up to the camcorder, hits the PAUSE button)

BONNIE: What? There’s no such thing as editing? You don’t believe in blooper reels?

SQUIRT: (sighs heavily, runs back to his mark and gets into position)  Okay. NOW.

(Bonnie pushes button)

SQUIRT: HEH, HEH, HEH! HI YAH!   (lunges at neighbor kid Bob)

BOB, THE NEIGHBOR KID: ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

SQUIRT: (freezes in an attack position, looks over at his mom)   MOM! Push the button!

BONNIE: All right! Jeez. You know, you could just say “Cut!”

BOB: I screamed like a girl, just like you said. You want me to do it over?

SQUIRT: No. You were fine.   (looks pointedly at his mother)

BONNIE: What?

Meet Squirt, who is all set to be the next Steven Spielberg—if his annoying camera crew doesn’t finish him off with an attack of Gross Exasperation.

He’s making this movie for his Japanese class. It’s about a burrito-loving ninja who hides behind trees and under the van and talks to a picture of Chuck Norris. The ninja also unexplicably turns into a pirate at one point before returning to ninja form to make gnarly burritoes in hyper-speed. Since it’s all in Japanese I’m a little unclear on the plot.

He’s editing it now. Meanwhile, back in the Wren Cocina, our turkey is in the oven. Twenty-four pounds! That should last us, what? Twenty minutes—unless the boys improve on their technique from last year.

Hubby and Tiger are out, buying more potatoes because the ones I bought a few days ago mysteriously disappeared. I was going to substitute with sweet potatoes but the outcry was so great you would’ve thought I was selling our national holiday out to Satanists, or something.

I’ve carefully examined Squirt’s movie footage (the stuff I didn’t take) for evidence of potato cannons, but the boy is clean.

So I’m taking this waiting-for-potatoes opportunity to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Be thankful, eat hearty, help clean the kitchen afterward, and at all times… keep an eye out for the ninjas. The ones with camcorders are especially dangerous.

]]> http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/on-thanksgiving-budding-hollywood-and-disappearing-potatoes.htm/feed 12 Teenager Thought for the Day: more bang for his bucks http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/frugal.htm http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/frugal.htm#comments Fri, 10 Nov 2006 22:06:39 +0000 Bonnie Wren http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/frugal.htm

SQUIRT: You know that swim trip to Sweden that’s gonna cost $2000 if we go?

The way I figure it is, sure, I could spend $2000 and go to Sweden and look at Swedish babes…

OR…

I could spend $2000 and get TWO laptops! And then I could look at Swedish babes on the internet all I want!

]]> http://www.bonniewren.com/2006/frugal.htm/feed 13