Flashback to the eighties, right?
“My brother paid a dollar last night to see your underwear” is an instantly recognizable line from Sixteen Candles, a movie I thought was reasonably funny when I saw it in 1984, but which definitely took on a sinister subtext after I viewed it as the mother of two teenage boys.
But we’re not going to talk about sinister subtexts. Not today, anyway.
Today, we’re going to talk about something that has caused extreme marital discord in our previously happy home. And just what would that something be, you ask?
ONE MOVIE LINE.
Seriously. This is the stuff you argue about when you don’t have cable.
I say the line goes like this:
(Scene: the most popular girl in the school wakes up in the back of a convertible Rolls Royce with the geekiest kid in the school.)
Caroline: I’ll tell you where you are if you tell me who you are.
Ted: I’m Farmer Ted.
Caroline: You’re in the parking lot in front of my church.
Ted: You own a church?
Classic. It’s funny, see, because it’s such an outrageous response to “You’re in front of my church.”
Now, this is how Hubby says it goes:
Caroline: You’re in the parking lot in front of my church.
Ted: You go to church?
Pretty dull, if you ask me, but Hubby breaks up just thinking about it. He says it’s funnier because Ted is surprised that she goes to church.
What a noodle.
We replayed this one scene several times—our ears pressed to the speakers so we could hear every nuance—and I’m 100% certain my version is the one John Hughes gave to the world. Hubby scoffs.
The Internet is no help. There are 1060 references to “You go to church?” and only 40 Google references to “You own a church?” which for some reason Hubby takes as a mandate that he is right, but which really only tells me most of the world is deaf.
So I leave it with you. First, tell me which line is funnier.
Second, if you know the movie and don’t have to run down to Blockbuster to rent it, tell me what they are really saying. My marriage depends on it.
UPDATE: Hubby agrees that the line is “You own a church?” but that the issue is not what the line SAYS, but which line is FUNNIER.
And third, once you have kids, John Hughes’ comedies turn into horror flicks. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.