“My brother paid a dollar last night to see your underwear” is an instantly recognizable line from Sixteen Candles, a movie I thought was reasonably funny when I saw it in 1984, but which definitely took on a sinister subtext after I viewed it as the mother of two teenage boys.

But we’re not going to talk about sinister subtexts. Not today, anyway.

Today, we’re going to talk about something that has caused extreme marital discord in our previously happy home. And just what would that something be, you ask?

ONE MOVIE LINE.

Seriously. This is the stuff you argue about when you don’t have cable.

I say the line goes like this:

(Scene: the most popular girl in the school wakes up in the back of a convertible Rolls Royce with the geekiest kid in the school.)

Caroline: I’ll tell you where you are if you tell me who you are.

Ted: I’m Farmer Ted.

Caroline: You’re in the parking lot in front of my church.

Ted: You own a church?

Classic. It’s funny, see, because it’s such an outrageous response to “You’re in front of my church.”

Now, this is how Hubby says it goes:

Caroline: You’re in the parking lot in front of my church.

Ted: You go to church?

Pretty dull, if you ask me, but Hubby breaks up just thinking about it. He says it’s funnier because Ted is surprised that she goes to church.

What a noodle.

We replayed this one scene several times—our ears pressed to the speakers so we could hear every nuance—and I’m 100% certain my version is the one John Hughes gave to the world. Hubby scoffs.

The Internet is no help. There are 1060 references to “You go to church?” and only 40 Google references to “You own a church?” which for some reason Hubby takes as a mandate that he is right, but which really only tells me most of the world is deaf.

So I leave it with you. First, tell me which line is funnier.

Second, if you know the movie and don’t have to run down to Blockbuster to rent it, tell me what they are really saying. My marriage depends on it.

UPDATE: Hubby agrees that the line is “You own a church?” but that the issue is not what the line SAYS, but which line is FUNNIER.

And third, once you have kids, John Hughes’ comedies turn into horror flicks. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

sixteen candles, John Hughes

Sung by the Norwegan band A-ha, it tells the story of a girl who gets pulled into her comic book by the winner of the comic’s motorcycle race. They have a lovely time flicking back and forth between animation and live action until the race’s loser comes after them with a wrench.

I first saw it on MTV in the 80s—way back when most of you were probably just little twinkies in your parents’ lunch boxes—and I thought it was awfully romantic. Recently I looked it up on YouTube to show it to Squirt and Tiger, and I found an assorted bunch of little parody/homage videos, some of them very clever in their own way.

Perhaps the most famous parody/homage is one done on the TV show Family Guy, where the character Chris gets pulled into the milk section of the supermarket.

There’s a clever snippet by engineering students at Purdue demonstrating how getting pulled into a locker room during finals might impact one’s GPA, and another one by DigitalCha0s.com where the pullee fights the puller, but once he lands in animation land he starts grooving like everybody else.

These were all right, but nothing like my absolute favorite by Mark Cannataro, where a guy gets pulled through a yearbook (the winner of a high school footrace is voted “most likely to get killed by a wrench”).

Not too great is the “Take on Me” remake by a boy band called A1 that brings The Matrix and Tron into the mix, but hey, eye candy is eye candy.

Ho hum.

Documenting 80s music videos and their spin offs is what I do when I have a huge project like a swim meet food concession to plan.

Who knew?

On behalf of all headless chickens out there, please accept my apologies for trivializing your personal experience.

At any rate, I have a feeling Mike the Headless Chicken fulfilled his obligations better than I’ve done lately. I can barely get out coherent sentences, much less decent blog posts. Thank goodness for fake movie preview videos like the one below. I can link to one and assuage my guilt, all in one smooth move.

Does anybody else think Yul Brynner is the major hunk of supreme male hotness that I think he is?

I’ve never heard of Tideland and yet it premiered in July 2005!

I’ve always liked Tim Burton better than Terry Gilliam, but this movie looks like it might be something special. Even navigating through the Tideland website is a treat. (If you can find them, there are three long film clips to watch.)

There’s a rumor going around that Gilliam is being considered for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, too.

terry gilliam, tideland, harry potter