We’ll begin our story when Squirt was 3.
When Squirt Was 3
Scene: our kitchen.
SQUIRT: What’s a nick-nack name?
BONNIE: A nickname, Honey Bunch, is when somebody calls you something special that is not your real name.
SQUIRT: Ooh! Call me “Tarzan!”
BONNIE: No, Sweetie, you don’t make it up—somebody has to GIVE it to you.
SQUIRT: Tarzan! TARZAN! TARZAN!!!
From that moment on, Squirt was nickname obsessed. He spent hours dreaming up monikers for himself and for his brother; creative, exotic sobriquets that were kind of disturbing in some respects.
About One Week Later
Scene: Inside the Burger King Moon Ball Pit. Hubby sits with the other parents, reading a newspaper.
SQUIRT and TIGER: Hello!
KID: Who are you guys?
SQUIRT: (pushes himself forward) I’m FLOWER. And this is JUICY.
TIGER: (looks a little confused but nods anyway)
(Parents look at Hubby, who rattles his newspaper.)
Looking back, now I think I should’ve obliged the boy by calling him Tarzan, or Flower or one of the many names he came up with, but the truth is that I couldn’t keep track of them all. And there was no way I was going to be caught at Vons shouting, “Squirt! I mean—Tarzan! I mean—JUICY! You put down that box of Noodle-Ohs right now!”
Anyway, it got to be that we never knew what to expect when engaging with the general public.
A Few Months Later
Scene: coffee hour at our church.
LADY: You are awfully cute, little one. What’s your name?
SQUIRT: (loud enough to drown out a jet engine) It’s MANIAC!
(Bonnie chokes on her doughnut)
LADY: (adjusts her hearing aid) Why, it’s nice to meet you, Maniac.
And why do I bring up all this ancient history? Because Hubby thinks that on this blog, Squirt should no longer be called Squirt. He thinks I should refer to our youngest son as “Rock Star” because the boy currently hopes to become an professional rock guitarist.
Of course, “Squirt” is not his REAL name. And I do wish I had picked a name other than “Squirt,” because you should see the odd and somewhat disturbing search terms that bring people to this site.
And yet the name stuck and now I’m not so sure about changing it. My main concern is that it’s going to be confusing to readers who’ve come to know the kid as Squirt, not to mention the writer of this blog, for whom old habits die hard.
I guess I could go with “the Rock Star formerly known as Squirt” but that sure takes up a lot of word count.
Eh, I’m going to have to think this over. In the meantime let us proceed to Super Sabado, where I found (Read the rest of “Super Sabado: Please, call him something else”)